Bendr Magazine

Welcome lost creatures!

Here to find some answers? Well, hi then. We’re the ultimate lost souls of the queer, brown reality, here to present you with some cheat-codes to hack through the hardcore game of life as a “brown-queer-feminist” avatar. 

Being a Queer woman in a brown society alone itself has to be one of the most mind-boggling environments to exist in! Despite the anger oozing like a tiny volcano splurging within you, you have to continue to deal with the stereotypical norms & beliefs that existed in an ancestral era, now thrust upon us from people who themselves are hypocritical creatures. But y’all got to worry no more cause we are here clearing the path on how to slash the branches that get in your journey down

CODE 1 - THE BLACK SHEEP THEORY

We're not gonna waste time talking about how to know if you're queer, what-are-the-signs nonsense. If you read this far: honey you probably are. So, we're going to straight-up skip level one and enter the bawse-level of (drumroll) "COMING OUTTA THAT DAMNED CLOSET!" Now you can plan it a hundred million times, as the Vamps did with Zombs, sitting through late-night video calls and role-playing all the different scenarios that could go wrong and have answers prepared. Or you can be as airheaded as Zombs who unknowingly "came-out" to her entire class in the eighth grade thinking that crushing on a girl is no different from crushing on a boy. Either way, what we learned is this: it never goes as planned.

In all scenarios, gear-up to be the black-sheep. Especially when it comes to brown families, and sometimes even your best friends who may stamp your rainbow coloured soul as a "black-sheep" a.k.a. “the disgrace”.

Our advice? “Say screw it, I’m just going to be who I am” and EMBRACE the black-sheep life, cause you're already the baddie, now go do whatever the hell you want! Honey you ain't got to sit in a perfect-child box and please others no more, spread your damned wings! Or feathers, or claws. Or legs. Whatever.

Some tips to keep in mind though

Your folks will need (and you should probably give them) some "processing time" - sometimes even parents can go into sudden shock and depression hearing the news so remember to be a little patient and empathetic

The subtle hint game - before coming out, pave your path with some subtle hints like "my friend who's gay went here..." / "The queer community is so creative... like look!"

Try educating them first - Movies, Magazines, making them follow an adorable queer-couple online

CODE 2- FOR THE NAVIGATOR

Usually, the very next step after the whole "Holy-sh*t I'm gay" revelation is locating your own kind. The both of us too went through the hustle of navigating the rare rainbow creatures in an ocean full of regular old salmon. But you lucky bastards will have half the work cut-out for ya with these cheat codes exclusively for the Navigator in you.

The search for mutuals - ask your friends about their friends:

Engage with your local queer community

Follow queer pages such as @bendr@equalground@yellowdotorg

Engage in the activities - meetups, webinars, talk to the fellow members

If you're bold enough, send out requests to seemingly authentic profiles and trigger up a conversation! There you go, young sailor! The map's laid out for ya! However, do keep a watch out for these kinda’ obstacles on your way too. You wouldn't wanna end up like The Titanic now would you?

Stranger Dangers - Remember, a seemingly authentic profile too can have a creep sitting at the back.

Blackmail - Threatening to “out” you / share your pictures

Stalkers - That one person who just can’t take the hint that you aren't interested

But don’t let these obstacles corner you to a cave. Grab the wheel, set sail, and explore! Just make sure to keep your brains in check and your guards up until you are sure and certain of whom you're taking on board your ship.

CODE 3- THE ALPHA UPGRADE

The Alpha Upgrade is reserved for the baddest and the boldest survivors of the game. This hack is for those of you who are brave enough to speak up, fight for the rights of others like you and be pack-leaders, guiding fellow lost souls on their own unique pathways. Being queer, especially those who have battled and won some level of freedom to be themselves in this strict, distorted society – shielding their homophobia from an extremely porous broken tapestry called "culture" – y’all are the blessed few with a voice that can turn heads. A voice strong enough that it resonates through the thick skulls of tradition, one that is an inspiration, a voice that DEMANDS the rights of your people, the voice of the Alpha. So why not shout out loud and make the island aware of your presence?

How to get the upgrade:

Share your story! - Let it be an inspiration for another closeted being

Know your rights - Before you go all young wild and free, do be aware of your rights as well as the laws existing around you. You may one day break barriers, but you can’t do that trapped in a prison cell.

Speak up for your rights - Demand acknowledgment, fairness, justice, even from your family members

Speak up for your rights - Demand acknowledgment, fairness, justice, even from your family members

Create awareness - Educate your circles, share information

Raise your Voice - Don’t sit by homophobic conversations that pass by as jokes.

This is merely a glimpse into the world of surviving the realm of queerness in the brown society. After blindingly sparring against the social norms that were thrown at us , here we are stronger than ever, building a fabulous life, co-creating content, as well as lending hands and ears to fellow queers together! Yes, we still do face our own set of battles that tend to turn to the near nuclear bomb warning between Trump and Kim Jong, but we have learned to put ourselves first, along with each other’s support as the other’s chosen family. And that, dear readers, is how you “Life” as a brown, queer girl on the island.

Vampire & Zombie

Two wandering celestial twin souls who took a permanent stop after crossing paths, discovering "how to - life" one day at a time. By day we are a corporate executive and a creative-lead, by night we dance and drink wine.